So today is the first day that I actually have time to write in my blog. While deciding what to write, I just kept thinking about this woman that I know who tends to make people around her miserable. She is someone whom I would consider "toxic". Now toxic is pretty strong word to describe a person, but let me explain. I volunteer as a member of a scholarship organization that raises money for high school scholarships. This woman is also a member of this organization, and before I joined, she had been with this organization for over 30 years, so I'd say that she's probably over the age of 70. Every month we have a meeting, and without going into too much details, let;s just say she is constantly complaining, and on a consistent basis, she tells people at our meetings what they're doing wrong. Mind you, the focus of this organization is fundraising to raise funds for the yearly scholarships given to deserving high school students. Well, this last meeting was no exception because she just kept on ranting and behaving like a child who didn't get her way, and it was everybody's fault. You might be wondering what in the world was she ranting about? Well. last year, she resigned as the chairperson for heading up the fundraising activities, so my husband gladly took over the responsibility of organizing the fundraising activities, with the assistance of the members of our organization. Well, this woman stood up at our meeting and ranted out loud about what she thought my husband was doing wrong, and then proceeded to tell a few other people what they have been doing wrong, but in the meantime, this past year, she really has done nothing to help raise funds. Mind you, people tried to stop her ranting, but like a spoiled child, she would not be quieted down until she finally walked out of our meeting in a huff. All we could do was look at her in utter disbelief. This episode just happened yesterday.
Now, that I have had a day to reflect about this, a movie that I recently saw came to my mind, "War Room." In this movie, Miss Clara gave her troubles to God in prayer, and left them there. She trusted God that he would take care it, and that it was God's battle to fight for us when we pray to him. I thought about this woman at our meeting, and I realized that she had not been at peace with God for a long time. Maybe she felt alone and helpless, or unappreciated, or maybe she just felt empty. I labeled her as toxic, but should I just ignore this type of person? Or should I give it to God, and pray that he opens my heart to not feel like she is toxic. Maybe if I got to know her better, God would show me why she is the way she is. Who knows, maybe her grown children don't come by to visit her as often as they should and she's lonely. Maybe, her friends don't come around anymore because of her behavior. Maybe, no one calls her. I don't know the reason why she seemed so bitter and upset, but I'm sure God knows.
I know that many people will agree that getting rid of toxic people in your life will make your life more peaceful and enjoyable, but with toxic people, there's always a deeper layer of facts that rarely gets noticed. It's the layer that God can see, and he absolutely cares about everyone. So, just like Miss Clara, I am going to pray for this woman.
Dear God,
Please help Nita find peace in you. I want to believe that she really didn't mean all the hurtful things that she said at the meeting. Please put close friends back into her life so that she can have the heart to heart talks that I think she so desperately needs. Please work on my heart to not be critical of her, but to look past her rantings, so that I can see her as you do. You love everyone unconditionally, and without fault. I don't want to label her as toxic. I want to change my heart to be patient and not critical of others. I want to give you my battles to fight.
